Helen Keller

In a 9th grade English class at Mt. Jordan, they were reading, "The Miracle Worker", the story of Annie Sullivan, Helen Keller's teacher. The book chronicles the painstaking efforts of Miss Sullivan to teach Helen who was born blind, deaf, and mute. They read the entire book aloud during class for a 2-week period and the teacher stopped periodically to ask and answer questions with her students. As a reward, the teacher, Mrs. Anderson, showed the movie of the same name. A few minutes into the movie, a student asked loudly, "Hey, what's wrong with that girl? She's totally weird."
They walk among us...

One Dollar

J. Posey, a fellow teacher, told me today that she was talking about U.S. currency in her 7th grade class. She held up a dollar bill and asked her students, "What denomination is this?" No response. "Students, you all recognize this type of currency, don't you?" "Yes." "What denomination is it?" she asked again. One boy bravely ventured a guess, "Catholic?"
No kidding.

Pronunciation

My school has many Hispanic students. Pronouncing their names correctly is a goal I always have. One student, 'Jesus', posed a particular challenge to me. I kept pronouncing it the traditional, biblical way, instead of saying the more correct, 'hay-soos'. One day it all came to a head when he and his two best friends, Maria and Joey, a trio of chronic talkers, wouldn't quiet down. Without thinking, I said, "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, knock it off!" I immediately started to laugh at myself, and, not getting the humor, Jesus corrected me for the nth time: "It's 'hay-soos"!

The Leslie Alford Show

I currently have a student who pushes me to the brink of insanity with his constant interruptions, dress code violations, missing homework, and inability to remain in his seat. Rather than raise my voice at him or point out his obvious immaturity in front of his peers, I often playfully tease him and ask him in some creative way to behave himself; He loves the attention, and usually complies. Today, after he became irritated with everyone sitting within a 3-foot radius of his desk, I said sweetly, with a big smile, "'J', It must be hard to be you." He marched up to the front of the room and pointing his finger at me, announced loudly, "Mrs. Alford, you think you're sooooo funny, but you're not. You think you're a comedienne, but you're not. You should have your own TV show." Breathlessly, he stood there waiting for my reply. Calmly, I said, "Welcome to the Leslie Alford show; sit down." This got a big laugh from the 'audience', so I bowed. I think it raised my ratings.

Who's in Charge Here?

An irate parent was arguing with our former principal, Ed Alba, about the school's unwillingness to revoke a 3-day suspension assigned to his chronically disruptive child. In exasperation, this father took a nickel out of his pocket and flipping it to Mr. Alba, he said forcefully, "look, I'm a taxpayer and I pay your salary. You have to do as I ask."With quick reflexes, Mr. Alba caught the coin and said, "No we do not. The suspension will take place." He then flipped the coin back to the father and said, "Keep the change."

Parents, Do Your Job

A parent came into our former principal's office with her sheepish freshman son. She stood up abruptly and pounding both hands on the desk, said adamantly, "Mr. Alba, my son is in the 9th grade and he cannot read. What are YOU going to do about it?" Our seasoned leader stood, looked her square in the eyes and responded, "Mother, where have you been?"
Parents, do your job.

Diarrhea

Last period an 8th grader approached my desk while the other students were working on an assignment. He said, "Mrs. Alford, I have diarrhea." I said, "Do you need to go to the restroom or call home?" He continued, "No. I just thought you'd want to know." I didn't.

Just Another Day in 7th Grade

I had a 7th grader who turned in an entire assignment (science vocabulary definitions taken from the back of the book) in Spanish. This student is not Spanish, does not speak Spanish, and cannot read Spanish. I said, "T", why did you use the Spanish glossary for your definitions?" He said, "I did?" I continued, "Didn't you notice that you could not read any of the words or definitions you were writing?" Embarrassed, he said, "I just thought it was science and it was hard."
I kept this assignment. No one would believe a kid could be this dense.